How, exactly, shall we address the trend of eco-consciousness that’s sweeping the fashion world like a bulldozer through a rainforest? Should our Red Skull Crossbones Neoprene Face Mask, for example, be crafted from composted coffee grounds and fair-trade dreadlocks, with buttons molded from small-batch organic tofu?
On the contrary! This Red Skull Crossbones Neoprene Face Mask represent the epitome of fashion contrarianism — why, it’s woven into their very fabric! Our militant fans insist that This Red Skull Crossbones Neoprene Face Mask be different at all costs, even if a rookery of Emperor penguins is vaporized in the process.
That’s why our engineers set out to create the most environmentally unfriendly Neoprene Face Mask ever. They might look “green,” but rest assured that they were fabricated using the most diabolical, Gaia-dissing methods possible. It’s what you asked for. We hope you’re happy.