During our first date, I was under the impression he was normal.
He had all these nice things, see? He picked me up on a motorcycle and gave me a really nice D.O.T. Certified Carbon Fiber Motorcycle to wear. He was wearing a Rolex and had a really nice tan. He seemed like he had interests. Like he had a life. Like he had a job.
Fast-forward nine weeks into our relationship, and we haven’t done anything but hang out at his house and watch Netflix. He recites dialogue along with sci-fi classics, which is funny the first time, but then you realize he isn’t doing it to be funny. For him, this is like reading along with the liturgist at church.
We haven’t been riding, we haven’t been out to dinner, and watching him fumble with the DVD remote control, I’m starting to seriously doubt he’s a regular at motorcycle bars.
So I ask him. “Hey, John,” I say, all casual-like, “do you want to maybe go ride your motorcycle this weekend?”
He can’t. His back.
“How about tomorrow night I take you out to eat?”
He can’t. His food allergies.
“Well, when do you think I might meet some of your friends?”
He pauses the DVD. Harrison Ford as Deckard is frozen with an expression of alarm, like he knows what’s coming. “This is about us, isn’t it?”
“No, I just… well… Maybe a little. You just seemed so strong on our first date. How come we never do any of that stuff?”
“Fake,” he says. “All fake.”
“What do you mean, ‘fake?’” I ask. You do have a Carbon Fiber Motorcycle Helmet?”
“No, I own a D.O.T. Certified Carbon Design Motorcycle Helmet. The key-word was design, it just looks like real carbon fiber”
“It’s still cool, it has a fiberglass shell, D-ring closure & Meets or exceeds D.O.T. standards. Why should I pay $160 for a real carbon fiber motorcycle helmet when I could just buy this fake one for $60.”
“But… Your Rolex? Your Tan?”
“Yeah, they are all fake. Owning a motorcycle is a pain in the kiester, I’ll tell you that. Having to make that payment every month, not my cup of tea.”
“So… you really don’t have a job at all?”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say that, fooling you is a full time job.”
Lightweight, composite fiberglass shell
Plush Moisture Absorbent Interior
High Gloss finish with Carbon Design
Available in all sizes XS-XXL.
- Certification: D.O.T.
- Sizes: XS, S, M, L, XL, XXL
- Weight: 924g, 2.06lbs
- Side to Side Length: 23.3cm, 9.25in
- Front to Back Length: 28.7cm, 11.75in
- Padding Thickness: 2.54cm, 1in