Knuckle Head Balaclava

Here's the deal, Mr. Squiggles: I got laid off, and I need to pay the bills, so you need to learn how to be a stunt biker. Soon. Like really soon.

Now I know you're just a cat, but don't let that deter you: You CAN do this. You can do this just like Ed showed us a monkey can play baseball and how Gus showed us a horse can kick a football. It'll take some practice, but I have faith in you. After all, it worked for Air Bud, and he's a dog. You don't want to let a dog do better than you, do you?

After you've got the balance nailed down - that can't take more than a week, right? - we're going to need to work on bravery but that's okay, because motorcycles are totally designed to help cats ride. You have been on a motorcycle before, right? No? Hmm. Okay, well, this might take awhile, but with plenty of training, you can do this.

Now there's one last thing, and I want you to look carefully. See this awesome Knuckle Head Balaclava? This is a special mask, and every time you put it on I want you to remind yourself that you're destined for greatness, and that you ARE going to be the first professional cat stunt biker. You got it? Alright, then let's get on that motorcycle!