Mom, Dad, I'm running away from home.
You've been great, providing a roof over my head, cooking me meals, and buying me clothes, but really, that's about all you can offer at this point.
As for the rest of family affairs, I can get everything I need from the US Army.
You'd be amazed how much they are offering me! Sure, three squares a day, but they are also promising me a cool Army Combat Uniform Neoprene Face Mask.
So, while I'll admit that you've provided for me in a few ways, our family just doesn't come close to comparing to the warmth value offered by Army families. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's not you ... it's Army Combat Uniform Neoprene Face Mask.