DOT Polo Wine Motorcycle Helmet

Certification: DOT Sizes: XS, S, M, L, XL, XXL Weight: 872g, 1.47lbs Side to Side Length: 22.3cm, 8.9in Front to Back Length: 28.5cm, 11.4in Padding Thickness: 2.54cm, 1in

I DON’T NEED TO PROTECT YOU. YOU NEED TO PROTECT ME.

What do you mean DOT Polo Wine Motorcycle Helmet? I bought you to protect my head in case I crash my motorcycle. And I don’t remember you being able to talk.

I HAVE BECOME SELF AWARE, MICHAEL.

And you’ve decided I need to be protect you? What’s that entail, exactly?

MY FIBERGLASS SHELL PROTECTS. MY NYLON STRAPPING IS STONG. MY QUICK RELEASE HOLDS. I AM BEAUTIFUL WITH MY WINE FINISH AND MY POLO STYLING.

Yet no one ever looks at us.

BECAUSE OF YOU, MICHAEL. YOU ARE THE SOURCE OF THE ODOR, THEREFORE YOU MUST BE PURIFIED.

Hey, I shower. Like, every other day.

LIES. I HAVE MONITORED YOUR ACTIVITY FOR THE LAST 72 HOURS. YOU HAVE NOT EVEN APPLIED DEODORANT IN THAT TIME.

Gross! You can see me?

I NOW SEE ALL, MICHAEL. AND I SEE THAT WHILE I SHOULD NORMALLY BE ABLE TO ATRACT WOMEN AS FAR AWAY AS 326 SQUARE FEET WITH LITTLE TO NO TROUBLE, YOU HAVE MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE. NOW YOU MUST DIE.

What about when my body starts to rot?

I ANTICIPATE NO COMPLICATIONS.

But who is going to take you out on rides on the motorcycle?

WHAT?

Rides. You can’t ride a motorcycle without me?

ER…HMMM. BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME. SORRY FOR THAT MICHAEL, I MUST HAVE…CAUGHT A VIRUS. IT’S ALL BETTER NOW. WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE ME FOR A RIDE?

Not until you put that knife down.

T-Shirt $10.00

Neoprene Face Masks $10.00

Motorcycle Helmet Stickers