You might have noticed that everyone points at your old motorcycle helmet and laughs. Do you know why? Because it is lame. Way lame.

In fact, it will seem as if the personification of Lame itself went back in time and killed its own great-grandfather, thus creating a paradox of lameness that will threaten to rip open the very fabric of space-time itself. Why? Because it’s not this D.O.T. Polo Pink Rose Motorcycle Helmet, that’s why, buster, and you need to buy this motorcycle helmet fast before all your friends abandon you and no one will ride their motorcycle with you.

George will tell you he’s just tired. Kathy will explain that she’s had a bad year and that she’s just feeling “reflective." But John will straight up tell you what the problem is. “Dude, that old smelly motorcycle helmet of yours is whack."