What the… Bethany?! Are you making out with my Blue BoneYard D.O.T. Polo Motorcycle Helmet?!

Jeez, I turn my back for two minutes to get a drink at the bar and here you are playing tongue hockey with my best motorcycle helmet! Well, now I know why everyone’s been warning me about you. And to think that I defended your honor when Bob called you a “helmet-tramp." He never did forgive me for punching him in the throat that night, and now I know why.

It’s so clear to me now. I knew something was up the moment I brought the D.O.T. Polo Motorcycle Helmet home for the first time. I just thought you wanted one for yourself. Little did I know that actually you “wanted” mine. And all those questions you kept asking about it. “So, it meets or exceeds D.O.T. standards? It protects AND has a fiberglass shell? Mmmm. Tell me more about the unique Plush Moisture Absorbent Interior. That sounds so sassy, Henry.”

Fine. FINE. I can see when I’m not wanted. I guess my lack of steel Rivets and nylon strapping doesn’t thrill you. I understand. Mr. Small And Discreet can have you, strange kinks and all. I’m going home to pack up your stuff. Weirdo.