DESERT STORM NOVELTY MOTORCYCLE HELMET

Is something funny, young man? You won’t be laughing when you pay me back for that airline ticket to Iraq.

I guess you think it was just hilarious, sending me that email and all. I bet you were just busting a gut when I dropped everything and ran off to Iraq. Well, Justin, someday you’ll have kids of your own, and you’ll know: you don’t stop and ask questions when your only son tells you he’s gone off and joined the Marine Corps.

You just looked so convincing in that Desert Storm Novelty Motorcycle Helmet. And the story you told: “I’m sorry, Mom, but since Jana went away to equestrian school, I’ve felt like I needed something more in life, something to help me forget.” I just never stopped to think that you would joke about something like that. If trusting your child makes you a fool, I guess I’m fool numéro un.

All that time – on the 17-hour flight over, and fighting my way through the mob of grabby, dirty little urchins at the airport, and my absolute humiliation at the consul’s office when he told me they had no record of a Justin Jenkins – all I could think about was my baby fighting and dying in the desert. That Marine corps Logo you painted on the Novelty Desert Storm Motorcycle Helmet kept running through my mind. You wouldn’t believe the things I ate over there, just for the strength to keep going, for the strength to save you.

And then I find out it’s all a joke. Real funny one. Well, I’ve got a joke for you, too: to earn the money to pay me back, you’re going to be working at the petting zoo all next summer. I made a special request to put you on camel-cleanup duty. Here, I even brought you your own kepi back from Iraq. Vers l’avant!

• Lightweight, composite fiberglass shell
• Military styling
• Quick Release closure
• One-year warranty
• Minimal Plush Moisture Absorbent Interior
• Steel Rivets
• Gloss Black Finish

This is not a D.O.T Certified Motorcycle Helmet.

Price: $30.00