As I type this, my boyfriend is on the couch, napping blissfully, his Red ¾ Shell Motorcycle Helmet nestled on his head. I remember the distant days when I was the one who nestled there, my head resting lovingly against his shoulder, but apparently because I protect him with a Fiberglass Composite Co-Weave Shell like this ¾ Red Motorcycle Helmet, he’s traded up.

I remember when it was my shrill, piercing voice that delighted him, but no more. I’ve lost my favored status, displaced by a small, Red Motorcycle Helmet. God forbid I should turn to him while he’s engrossed in an episode of Two and a Half Men and say, I forgot to tell you about this lady I saw in the Food Lion today who was wearing hilarious pants..I would be judiciously shushed! But this Motorcycle Helmet gets to be with him anytime it wants! Red Motorcycle Helmet can do no wrong! No matter what he’s in the middle of, no moment is too important for him not to wear this motorcycle helmet.

Should I be providing better protection? I don’t see what’s so useful about 3-Snap Sun Visor! Does his precious motorcycle helmet nag him when he forgets to give the dog his heartworm medicine? Does it remind him that it’s unattractive to drink soda straight from the bottle and then just put it back in the fridge? Does his motorcycle helmet's angry rattle encourage him to start dinner right away because I’m going to be hungry when I get home?

All right, I know when I’m beat. It’s time for me to take this to the next level, before he realizes that when his motorcycle helmet never has morning breath, steals the covers, or mocks his love of Entourage. So what do I have to do to win him back? Offer my services for a better price? Remind him of the convenience of his no-initial-fee, no-obligation contract with me? Ok, maybe there was an initial fee to join me, but I’m sure he’d say it was worth it. Or would he? After all, I can’t think of any new features I’ve added in the last few years, aside from a new haircut, or any upgrades to speak of unless you count going up a pants size. Which I do. Possibly it’s time to fight fire with fire or water. My boyfriend’s helmet does seem to be getting a little smudged, due to his constant, loving caresses and attention. Perhaps it needs a bath.

Available in all sizes XS-XXL. Please refer to the Size Chart page for your size. 

*Fiberglass Composite Co-Weave Shell. 
*3-Snap Sun Visor. 
*Plush Black Interior. 
*Double D-Ring Retention System. 
*DOT approved. 
*Suggested Retail Price $69.95 US.